IT'S ONLY A GAME...

Mr Brown was regretting the punishment meted out to William. Having eaten the prize pork pie his mother baked for the WI, William's punishment was to make up a 4 for bridge instead of playing with the Outlaws. He responded by surreptitiously underbidding his hand at every opportunity. William knew this infuriated his father, as it does every bridge player. During the tea break Mr Brown took his recalcitrant son aside.

"William..."

"Yes that's me."

"Will you listen?"

"I have a choice?"

"Stop it! Now, when you are dealt a hand at bridge your first instinct should be for you and partner to bid - and make - a Game."

"Oh Right. Why's that then, father?"

"The reason is a game attracts a bonus score of  of 300 or 500. All you have to do is make 3NT, 4H, 4S, 5C or 5D. The toughest games to make are 5C & 5D (11 tricks) so most of the time you try to constrict yourself to 3NT (9 tricks) or 4 of a major (10 tricks)"

"Oh I seee.  You want the bonus?

"Yes William I do."

"Isn't that a bit greedy? It's not really fair goin roun biddin and makin games all the time. Shouldn we jus bid a bit an play a bit?"

"Bridge, William, is a competitive game. The idea is to outscore the opponents as often as possible. To beat them. To win. The best way to do that is to bid the games you can make.  Occasionally it gets even better than that and you bid (and make) a slam. Occasionally it gets worse and all you can make is a part score. But Game is your primary goal. It follows therefore that when you and partner start to have a bidding conversation your initial notion is simply to try to discover whether or not you can in fact make one of these game contracts. That is your ambition between you. Slowly you gather together the pieces of the intellectual jigsaw and there comes a point when one of you - it is usually only one of you - knows for certain that game is or is not on. Whichever one of you that is must make now THE DECISION. You must, William, become more decisive. Bid up. Bid the games. Is that clear?"

"Oh yes father. Very clear..."

For the rest of the afternoon William resolutely bid slams as often as possible. When they failed William remarked "I thought you wanted the bonus father..."

Enjoy

THE 2 CLUB OPENING.

When you learn the game of bridge the emphasis is on bidding suits you genuinely hold. This will tell partner (beloved partner) useful, constructive information about your hand so they may then make (you hope!) the correct decisions.

As you slowly progress you will begin to realise that some bids have been set aside for other specific purposes. They do not actually mean what they appear to say. These bids are known as "Conventional" bids.

One of the most useful of these bids is the opening bid of 2 Clubs. It says nothing about the Club suit itself at all: either its quality or its length. The meaning assigned to it is that you have a hand that is super massively powerful.

If you add together all the values in the pack for Aces, Kings, Queens and Jacks you will find the total is exactly 40 points. Experience has shown that - most of the time - if your partnership has a combined total of 25 points, then some kind of Game contract should make. It follows, therefore, that if you hold yourself, in your own hand, more than half of those possible points - 20+ - then you are in an incredibly strong position. Partner needs very little for you as a pair to be bidding Game. But how do we inform partner of our collective great good fortune? Across the world in nearly all systems it has been decreed the bid assigned to impart this delicious information is 2 Clubs. This is the "Standard" bid that says: "I am super massive - keep bidding!" This forces partner to bid even if they hold less than the normal 6 points required to respond to an opening bid. They MUST bid!

The general requirements are that a balanced, No Trump kind of hand should hold at least 23 of those wonderful points. This hand should open 2C!

AKxx

KQx

AJxx

AQ

But not all powerful hands are so flat. There are other more distributional hands that even though they have fewer points, are just as strong. These hands need a minimum of about 20 points:

AQxxxx

AQx

Ax

Ax

Partner will need only have any of the Kings (3 points) for game to make on most layouts. If you open 1S you will most probably miss that game. So force partner to bid - open 2C!

You need to be in game whenever possible because of the bonus. In all forms of the game - Rubber, Teams or Duplicate - those bonuses are what it's all about. Bid those games.

THE BIG ISSUE - WHAT IF...?

What if, what if what if???? A question I get asked a lot. usually when I suggest a bid and it's reason, but the questioner gets cold feet about my bold suggestion. Yes indeed what if? Moreover, what if we stopped worrying about the bad breaks and all the things that can go so terribly wrong? What if we used that spare "worrying" brain power instead to concentrate on what matters? You see, nothing will EVER be always right. Occasionally it will all go tits up.  So?

AQx

KJx

A

KJxxxx

You deal yourself this hand and naturally open 1C with glee and optimism in every pore. Things get immeasurably better as partner has this hand

KJx

AQx

---

AQxxxxx

Oh yes! 7N is cold! how great! Yeah. But "what if..." this great hand is on your left instead? Now you could well struggle to make even your original 1C contract. So does this "mean" that it was therefore "wrong" to open 1C? Or that we should only bid when partner has the "right" hand? How on earth can we know?

The answer is that - most of the time - 99.9% - the reality will be somewhere between the two extreme possibilities: that partner has a hand that will help you make a Grand Slam, OR that your left hand opponent is going to slaughter the living daylights  out of you. The crucial point is to realise that there is NOTHING you can do about this. Fate will deal what fate will deal. You open 1C because that is your bid, not because it will turn out right on every deal, but because you MUST tell partner what you have. Every single time I bid 3NT I have absolutely no certainty that the contract will either A) make or B) be the best contract. I don't know how the "what ifs" are placed around the defenders' hands. Know what? I don't care. If I think, to the best of my available knowledge, that 3NT is the best thing to bid then I will just do it. I will be wrong or right. If I'm right - well and good. If I'm wrong I will fight and pray the defence gets it wrong and I get away with being "wrong". Otherwise shrug and move on. My plan is to be "right" about 60% of the time. Not EVERY time. This is not humanly possible. Like the man said: Treat success and failure... exactly the same. Remember: it isn't always your fault!

DESTRUCTIVE AUCTIONS.

When you and partner freely exchange bids without opposition interference, you can be said to have a CONSTRUCTIVE auction. However when one side starts overcalling you are now into the crazy world of the DESTRUCTIVE auction. They overcall to destroy your auction, to suggest leads or to steal away what may rightfully be yours. This is when you need to access your inner Dalek and EXTERMINATE! Fits in suits often count for more than mere HCP so be on the look out for these situations.

At the recent pan- galactic tournament on Arcturus V the hotly contested final was between Humanoids and Daleks. This hand arose with the match all square.  N & S (vul) were the Humanoids, S dealt:

           QJ

           AJxxx

           Qx

           xxxx

AKxxx  1098542

Q                       xx

Kxxx                 xxxx

Axx                   10

          ---

         K10xxx

         AJx

         KQJxx

The tough auction went:

1H - 1S - 2S! - 5S

???

2S by North was a good raise (10+) and a 4+ fit.  Despite his zero count the Dalek East imagined his species cry of "EXTERMINATE" and went through the roof with his bid of 5S but this induced the catastrophic error by S of 6H which went 2 off after the efficient defence of AC, club ruff and a Diamond return. -200. At the other table with the Daleks sitting N- S the auction was a gentler affair but with a sting in the tail:

1H - 1S - 2S! - 4S

5H - X -   Passed out

Bemused by his partner's pass of the double, West now made a series of Humanoid defensive errors and led the AS, ruffed by the Dalek South, who drew trumps and led a club. Winning his A the Humanoid West compounded his errors by leading a low Diamond, won by the Q on the table so the Dalek South could claim his doubled vulnerable contract PLUS ONE and score +1050 which the Daleks gleefully added to the 200 won at the other table for a total of +1250. The humanoids caved in and duly lost the rest of the match by a heavy margin. After the match the Daleks discussed the hand:

"Why you make lunatic bid of 5S? Could be disastrous. Right this time, lucky......"

"Had to do desperate thing. Never know. If they bid 6H's and make, I will  congratulate warmly then terminate me in nearest Nova. But I don't think so..."

5S is a "pressure bid." Pressure induces mistakes. A destructive auction can go either way. Make sure it's your way...

Have fun

WIZARD BRIDGE - LENGTH AND STRENGTH

"We have two weapons", intoned the wizard. The evening sun dappled the stone chamber. "Each of these weapons has magic force. Sometimes they have power on their own and sometimes their forces combine."

"What are these weapons, Dumbledore?" quizzed Harry.

"They are STRENGTH and LENGTH, young Harry. Observe." The wizard waved a wand and 13 cards tumbled before Harry's face, jiggling and giggling. "Get a grip," moaned the wizard. The cards obediently fanned themselves in the air. This is what Harry saw:

KQx

AJx

AQxx

Kxx

"This hand is powerful as a result of its STRENGTH in high cards. But note that it has no shape. Opposite the wrong hand it may very well take no more than 4 tricks despite its power. But that would be extremely unlikely in practice. We open 1 Diamond expecting to rebid 3NT if partner responds. Now consider this hand:

KQxxxxx

x

Qxx

xxx

"This hand is powerful as a result of its LENGTH in the Spade suit. It has no power of STRENGTH. Now we must use its power quickly and make a pre-emptive strike before the opponents muster their forces: we must try to cut their communications by opening 3 Spades!"

"Wow, that seems a lot," said Harry.

"True. But consider: if we bid like that before they bid, we hope fatally to damage their auction. We take away precious bidding space. Can they bid the right game? Will they miss slam?"

"But what if we have a hand with both powers combined?"

"A very wise question, young Harry," beamed the wizard, snapping his fingers to change the cards. Harry saw:

AJx

KQJxxx

x

AJx

"Here, we have Strength and Length. There are 16 points  and a 6 card suit. But the value of the hand is worth no more than a 1 Heart opening. If, however, partner responds 2 Hearts we now re-value the hand for it's SHAPE. The singleton pulls its weight so we ADD  3 points giving us a total of 19: enough to attempt game. We bid a direct 4 Hearts! The STRENGTH & LENGTH combine but only after we find a fit!!!"

It really isn't magic at all, y' know...

OUTLAW BRIDGE - BIG SHAPE, BIG BIDS

William Brown was not a natural card player. It was having to sit still and keep quiet he found hardest. Having eaten all the chocolate eclairs his mother had baked for the WI, his punishment was to spend the afternoon partnering Violet Elizabeth while his mother and father practised their bidding on them. Luckily for William, he and Violet Elizabeth were dealt a succession of very good hands - much to his Father's petulant annoyance - so the scores were fairly level, despite Mr Brown's advanced techniques. Then William failed to raise Violet Elizabeth to a slam and Mr Brown began to scent a victory. William was sulky.

"I din' have nearly enough points for slam! Why're you sayin' I should bid slam. You keep tellin' me we need 32 points for slam and we din' have nearly that. Not even close to nearly, actually."

"But it isn't just about points is it William? Distribution is as strong a weapon as lots of honour cards. You had a void, so that increased the power of your hand quite dramatically. Don't you think so Violet Elizabeth?"

"Oh yeth, but he hath done very well tho far. At leatht, I think tho," said Violet Elizabeth, batting her eyelids with alarming sophistication at William who resolutely refused to notice or even enjoy her constant praise.

The next hand was dealt by Mr Brown who took his time and then bid 2C (Any big, unbalanced hand of 20+ HCP or a balanced 23+). Violet Elizabeth passed and Mrs Brown obediently bid 2D (Any hand with less than about 8HCP). William stared at his hand for some time, still smarting from his father's criticisms as well as acute indigestion. All that fuss. He din' even like chocolate... Taking a bold view and holding to one of the Outlaws favourite sayings (Get 'em before they get you!) William bid 4S. Mr Brown went through a series of emotions including shock, fear and homicidal mania. Channelling his aggression he doubled with a profound air of killer self-satisfaction. Everybody passed, the lead was made, dummy went down and, when the dust finally settled, William emerged with the 10 tricks he bid and an incandescent father.

"You said it wasn't about points, so actually, it's like I kind of took your advice, din't I ,Pops?" said William loftily.

"Well I think that's it for the afternoon," said Mrs Brown abruptly, thinking how awful it was to get blood off the Axminster. "Well played William dear. Why don't you walk Violet Elizabeth home?"

"That would be thuper, wouldn't it William", said Violet Elizabeth in a voice of cream and honey.

 Mr Brown had yet to find his voice. He had been so sure William had finally and foolishly overstepped the mark. After the others went, he sneaked a look at William's hand:

AKxxxxxxx

KQ

x

x

William lost a Club, a Diamond and the Ace of Hearts; the Spades broke kindly and though William only had 12 HCP the doubled game had been lay-down. Mr Brown hated losing. Especially to William.

William, wondering if he could get back to the other Outlaws before dark, suggested to Violet Elizabeth they take a short cut to her house through the woods.

"Oh yeth, William, yeth." She whispered. "I'll thcream and I'll thcream..."

POOH BRIDGE - PARTNERSHIP BIDDING

It was the final of the 100 Acre Wood Pairs. For the last round Christopher Robin and Pooh were playing Tigger and Eeyore. Tigger was the dealer and excitedly sorted his cards with little grunts of satisfaction. After much chin scratching and intense study of distant late afternoon clouds he bid 1NT. Eeyore correctly intoned: "12 - 14" but then went on:  "balanced, no singleton, only one doubleton - ".

"Yes, we get the picture," said Christopher Robin.

 "Do we? When?" said Pooh. Christopher Robin passed and Eeyore went into a huddle, shifting in his seat and dropping his cards while his tail knocked over the bidding box. When order had finally been restored Eeyore resignedly and slowly passed.

"Your bid Pooh," said Christopher Robin.

"Is it?" said Pooh, who up until now had been laboriously sorting his cards by some secret system known only to himself. "What's happened so far?" The auction was explained to him and then Pooh made a sound such as "Aha" as if to say well that tells me all I need to know doesn't it and then with great craftiness - he passed as well.

"Right, 1NT it is then," said Christopher Robin, controlling the urge to throw his toys out of the pram, "Any questions partner?"

 "Yes. When's dinner?" said Pooh.

Tigger did his utmost bestest to go down but even he managed to wind up with 9 tricks in the end. As he won each trick he leapt up and down giggling: "Did I win that? Did I really win that? I won that. Which hand am I in?" As Christopher Robin scored the traveller Tigger tried to teach a disinterested Eeyore the finer points of the high five but without much success. Christopher Robin noted that he and Pooh had scored a complete top as everyone else had been in 3NT but he doubted it would be enough to beat Rabbit and Owl.

Later, as they ambled back to Pooh's house, Christopher Robin pointed out that as Tigger had 15 HCP points on that hand he just was too good to open 1NT. Especially as Eeyore had 10 HCP and they should have been in the making game of 3NT with a combined total of 25 HCP.

"You see, Pooh, it's partnership game."

"Now he tells me, already..." growled Pooh in a surprisingly good New York Bronx accent.

"Thing is, Pooh, if you lie to partner - your beloved partner - however small the lie, partner can only get it wrong. Tigger should have opened 1 of a suit and then REBID 1NT, showing 15 - 16 HCP. Eeyore with his 10 HCP can now safely bid 3NT knowing the partnership has a combined holding of 25 HCP - enough to attempt game. Do you remember that other hand where I opened 1C and you responded 1NT, Pooh?"

Pooh narrowed his eyes and thought as hard as a bear can think and finally said "Oh ye-es." in the nonchalant devil may care voice he used when he had no idea what anyone was talking about.

"You had a balanced 9 count, true,  but you also had 4 Hearts. As did I."

"I didn't know that, Christopher Robin. How could I know that?" said Pooh spreading his arms wide and appealing to the gathering dusk.

"True. But if you bid 1H first then you have a chance of finding out. As it happens I bid 3NT which can never make while 4H is cold on any defence. We have to work together to find our best combined contract. If you withhold information from me then I can only get it wrong. Do you see?" said Christopher Robin more in hope than expectation.

"Oh ye-es." said Pooh hurriedly. "Can we have dinner now?"

Christopher Robin sighed as the sun sank below the distant trees. "The real trouble is that Owl and Rabbit won. Even though he's only an Owl, we'll have weeks of him crowing".